I think that knowing a loved one will be passing away is worse than when they pass away suddenly.
I'll give you my explanation.
We as humans like to think that we are prepared. We like to think that we have it all planned out. This will happen, then we will do this. This will go smoothly.
Sometimes I laugh when I think of the talks that I had with my brother before he passed away.
He was even helping me prepare for this scheduled, planned out, neatly wrapped end that was coming.
The truth is, I was prepared for a thunderstorm. I had a nice waterproof tent, plenty of batteries. Maybe the power would go out. I had candles on hand. Coolers for the food and drinks. I was ready to get through it.
What I was not expecting was the raging tornado that passed right through the fiber of my being.
My nice little yucky day kit was no match for the title wave of emotion, depression and pain that was headed my way.
I say this now looking back on the last 11 months.
I truly am a different person today than I was just a year ago.
Then I start to think of God.
Let me just say, Christians are horrible salespeople.
For my entire life, I looked at God as wanting me to follow him. It was almost as if in my feeble mind I thought he needed me to.
I used to think that my faith was SO strong. Nothing could break my pursuit of God, and His plans for my life.
This is such an easy thing to say and preach, when all is well.
But when the tornado comes, words and assumptions mean absolutely nothing.
The truth is, even if you are an ordained Minister, an Elder at your Church, a Sunday School, teacher, a Small Group Leader, or anything of the sort, things are going to become unbearable. You are not opted out of experiencing the horror of your nightmares coming true.
God is not going to shield you from the tornado. You will be tossed around and your life can be blown into the next county.
You have to accept this. You must.
God doesn't need you to follow him.
You have to choose to follow him. Despite the loss of your loved ones. Despite your financial circumstances. Despite how unfair whatever situation is. Despite how lonely you feel. Despite how much you miss your family. Despite you knowing that God watched as your world was torn apart.
You have to choose to believe that he makes ALL things work together for your good.
Even when you think there is no way possible that he can. Don't worry, God can handle that doubt.
ALL things. The good things AND BAD.
I have found it incredibly hard to worship for the last 11 months. I hate that. I hate that because I love to worship. I can honestly say, the last time I truly let it all out in worship was with my brother, at his bedside, in my Mother's living room. He would pass away a few weeks later.
But then, about a week ago, I came across this particular video. It is a perfect blend of what I needed to hear, and what I needed to say.
Onward,
Steve
